Mastering the Art of French Cooking
by Madame President
Summary: Having left her pleasant, but impotent boyfriend, Roderich, Erzsabet is alone, until a strange man joins the cooking class she teaches.  At first he gets under her skin, but given time, their relationship may blossom. Pruhun,human au. rating may change
1. Dinner with friends

I own nothing

Prussiaxhungary

Rated T

Human AU

Chapter 1

Erzsebet and Felix sat in the kitchen of her apartment, sipping cheap champagne and listening to Madonna.

"I mean," Erzsebet continued after a sip of her drink "is there something wrong with me?"

"No sweetie," Felix crooned "there is not one thing wrong with you. That man has something wrong with him. I mean, what man wouldn't want to sleep with you? What straight man, anyway"

"I just keep wondering if I did something. I mean, I'm not some kind of nymphomaniac, but it's normal to want to have sex with your boyfriend, right?"

"Honey, I have, like, always said that there was something weird about Roderich. I'm glad that you left him before you found out that he masturbates to sheet music or something"

"No! He's a really nice guy, he is. We're gonna stay friends and everything. I just…" she trailed off.

Erzsebet had moved in a week prior, but thanks to diligence and help from friends, she was almost entirely unpacked. A few cook books still lay in a half open box by her book shelf and some crappy gay romance novels had yet to be liberated from their box. The walls smelled of new paint.

A kitchen timer shaped like a chicken buzzed shrilly and Erzsabet popped up and hurried over to the oven.

"Have I mentioned that I want to bear your children?" Felix remarked as she withdrew a quiche from the oven.

Erzsabet smiled.

"I mean seriously, your cooking is like, better than sex. I am so ready to leave Toris and marry that quiche," he drained his glass.

"Hit me baby"

"We're gonna be smashed by the time Toris gets here if we keep going on like this," Liz chided, without feeling.

"Fuck," she groaned "gotta get started on the lobster boats"

She turned to the cutting board and started shelling a lobster tail.

"If Toris doesn't get here soon, I am like, totally, going to eat that quiche myself,"

"Shut up and make yourself useful setting the table," she teased.

Erszabet finished cooking, and in moments, there was a knock on the door.

"Speak of the devil,"

"Coming," called Felix, and he darted to the door.

Toris appeared at the door looking windswept and tired, muttering about Saturday parent functions.

Felix pecked him on the mouth and told him to take off his coat and sit his sweet ass down for dinner.

Toris sighed and did as he was told.

"That smells good Lizzy," he said.

"Thanks babe, I made it special"

"So," announced Felix when they were all seated and the food beaconed invitingly from the center of the table.

"A toast, to Lizzy, for leaving that looser: Now I get to bug her more!" They laughed and clinked glasses, Liz a little bitterly.

"So," said Toris, a piece of tomato dangling from his fork "how's work?"

"It's good," Liz said, "chef is being less of a bitch, and my class is doing really well. They're doing the most beautiful chocolate work,"

"I'm so happy for you," Felix squealed. 'The last bunch were, like totally brats, weren't they?"

"Oh god yes!" Liz exclaimed, swallowing a bite of spicy lobster. "Toris, how's principle Varges treating you?"

"Mr. Varges is… himself," tori answered diplomatically,

"So bat shit?"

"Erm, yes?" the remark was followed by the raucous laughter of the slightly drunk.

Dinner ended, and the three cleaned up together.

Erzsebet waved them out with many "thank you for coming," and "oh thanks for the meal!" "Do get home safely,"'s.

Liz sat down at her table and pushed her hair back with her fingers, sighing.

Alone again.

She flicked off the lights and crawled into bed.

She was cold and curled up around herself for warmth. She hated sleeping alone.

"It's okay Lizzy," she whispered to herself. "You've been alone before, you'll be fine."

A/N: well that's chapter one! I'll be updating soon. Prussia shows up in chapter three. Please do review, and I hope you liked it!


	2. A Day in the Life of Liz

I don't own anything!

Rated T

Chapter 2

PrussiaXhungary

Human au.

A Day in the Life of Liz

At four am, Erzsabet's alarm clock blared to life.

"Oh, fuck you," she groaned at it, wincing at her own morning breath.

The slapped the alarm and sat up. Shaking her head, she placed her feet on the cold ground. Those pastries weren't going to make themselves.

She brushed her teeth, showered quickly toweled and brushed her hair and put on her uniform.

By four forty five she was sitting on the subway, sipping a chai latte and munching on an overpriced blueberry muffin.

Across from her a sleeping man woke up, slipped his hand down his pants and started rubbing himself and groaning.

Wordlessly, she stood up and changed cars, suppressing a shiver of disgust.

She clocked in at 5:03. Her puffy eyed friend and assistant was sitting at a counter, sipping a cup of coffee and waiting for directions.

"Morning Bella," Liz yawned.

"Morning Liz,"

"Start on the almond cookies for the tart shells please? I need the usual amount,"

"On it," the Belgian girl said brightly.

Liz pull on her head band, tapped the radio so it put on a generic kitchen mix and started making scones.

The rest of the kitchen arrived at six thirty, and at nine Bella and Erzsabet took a break for coffee. They had long since finished the breakfast pastries and were working on lunch and dinner deserts. They finished and as Liz was sliding the macaroons out of the oven the head chef, a rude, short tempered British woman, arrived.

"Morning chef," the kitchen chorused like a classroom.

"Morning all, Jose!" she barked as a tall Cuban man with dreadlocks, and she proceeded to start shouting directions for prepping the dinner sauces.

"Chef is sweet as ever," Bella muttered to Erzsabet.

"Would except anything else?" they giggled quietly, and then scurried of to make macaroon filings and orange rum soufflé before they attracted the head chef's ire.

They finished at twelve, having stored their work in the industrial refrigerators that lined the back wall.

"Chef was something else today!" Bella exclaimed and they walked to the subway.

"' could you at least try to be slightly less incompetent?'" Erzsabet mimicked in a flawless British accent. Bella laughed raucously.

"You have her down pat!"

"Well I do try, you know stand in front of the mirror at night and practice my Chef imitation,"

"So what's on your dance card for the day?" Bella asked.

"Oh the usual, I'll finish unpacking, catch up on my TiVo, drown my sorrows in ice cream."

"Did you see the latest supernatural?"

"No, and don't spoil it for me!" Erzsabet cried.

"Well if you haven't seen it by tomorrow I'm telling you everything!"

"I'll have seen it!"

They parted ways.

Liz waved to her new door man ("g'day miss," "hello Howard," "hot enough for you?" "Not nearly")

She rode up in the elevator to the ninth floor and dragged herself to her apartment.

She put on some hot water to boil and finished unpacking her books.

She sipped a fancy chocolate rooibos blend she had picked up from the holiday market at union square and flicked on the TV.

When Liz woke up, Law and Order was on and the clock on the cable box read five oh eight.

"Four hours," she muttered to herself, "I must have been beat,"

She stretched, walked into the kitchen and started flipping through her take out menus. She settled on Indian and began to dial, already knowing her order.

Having hung up, she thought about calling Roderich, just to say Hi, but decided that it would be pathetic. She scrolled through her contact list looking for someone to talk to. It would be ok to call her uncle, right?

"Hello," came a gruff voice after three rings.

"Hi uncle," Liz said sounding cheery, if slightly sheepish.

"Erzsabet! About time you called me. How are things with Roderich, you two patch things up?"

"Well uncle," she paused, looking for the right word, "we broke up." Nice going Lizzy, blunt as ever.

"Oh," there was a pause on the other lend of the line, "that's a shame, a real shame, I liked that man. You're not seeing that Natasha girl again? She was crazy, a truly disturbed young lady,"

"No uncle, Natasha and I are through. She had a major brother complex. I'm so not doing that again."

"Oh good, that girl, she was just off, something wrong in the head, poor dear, but not for my Erzsabet to deal with," he coughed and sounded very old.

"Well uncle, it's not all bad. I'm living in my own apartment, by Columbus circle, and I'm doing pretty well," she tried to sound upbeat.

"Good girl. Are you okay? Do you need any money?"

"No uncle, I'm fine really! I have a good job,"

"Humpf, weekends at that Breslau,"

"Breslin, uncle"

"Breslin place."

"And I teach cooking classes! The pay is fine, really. I love my class and chef is… okay" this was true to an extent, as Liz rarely managed to draw Chef's ire.

"That's good. If she were messing with you, I'd come to Manhattan and tear her a new one!" Liz suppressed a chuckle.

"Yes uncle,"

"Listen Lizzy, when are you going to come and visit me? It's been nearly a month since I've seen you,"

"I'm free Tuesday, I'll visit you then. We can get dinner at Agnanti, my treat,"

"The day has yet to come when my little niece pays for my dinner. Six o'clock. _My _ treat."

"Okay uncle,"

"It had better be okay, missy,"

"Listen uncle, I've got to go, I have food coming. I'll see you Tuesday!"

"Alright, I love you Erzsabet,"

"I love you too, uncle,"

"Good bye Erzsabet,"

"Good bye uncle,"

Click.

One of the hardest parts of leaving Roderich was knowing how disappointed she knew it would make her uncle. He was old school Hungarian and thought that at twenty five, she was on her way to being an old maid, although he tried not to bother her about it too much. He had really thought that she would marry Roderich. She was just glad that he hadn't asked her why they broke up. She wasn't sure if she could say "well uncle, I dumped a perfectly nice man with a steady job because he decided that he was unwilling to sleep with me,"

She soothed her soul with chicken masala, mint oreo and the latest adventure of Sam and Dean Winchester.

Tomorrow would be another day.

A/N: I feel so productive! Two chapters in one day, and chapter three is in the works, how fun is that? The next chapter is all about Gilbert, in his awesomeness. Thank you for reading, and please review!


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